Family Planning

You would have thought I'd learned by now. Guess not.

Since having Aaron, the question of more kids and when is at the forefront of our minds. Do we space them far apart, or close together? Do we adopt first or try for a second biological child? Do we try to control the situation or allow the Lord to add to our family as He sees fit?

Wait, what was that last one?

See what I mean? You would think after TWO years of trying for a child and pleading with the Lord for just ONE biological child, we would have learned that we are CLEARLY NOT in control of the situation, as much as we would love to believe that we are. But, I guess that's why we are not fully sanctified until we are standing before the Lord Himself, in glory. Because of our sin nature, we often have to learn the same lesson over and over and OVER again before we finally start to get it.

I say all this because we have decided to NOT stand in the way of getting pregnant again, for a number of reasons that need not be aired in a public blog. But with that comes the terrifying thought that I could get pregnant at any time and my children could be insanely close in age. Ideally, I would like for Aaron to be AT LEAST six months old before getting pregnant again; that way he is on solid foods and not solely dependent on me for his nutrition. IDEALLY, he would be AT LEAST a year old. You say then, "DUH, Meghan, there are obvious ways to prevent it from happening sooner."

Ya, I know. But, you see, in the two years we dealt with infertility, I gained a child-like trust in the Lord for His timing for our family. We obviously did nothing to stand in the way of getting pregnant back in 2009 and, yet, we did not get pregnant until 2011. Did we control that situation at all? NO! So why are we going to pretend like we are in control of it NOW?

I get a lot of, "Ya, but now your body has probably "figured out" this baby-making thing and kicked into high gear, so you can't assume it's going to take two years again; it could happen immediately." Well, yes, that's true. But, again, it boils down to the fact that GOD is in control; NOT me. I could get pregnant NOW or, just as easily, it could take another two years or NEVER happen again; Aaron could have been our one biological blessing. And that would be OK (of course, I would have to continually remind myself of that since I obviously don't learn).

But then, one argues, "OK, but God gave us WAYS to plan our family; you would be wise in using them." But when that thought arises in my mind, I think back to, "God gave us WAYS to make pregnancy possible; you would be wise in using them." And, yet, we didn't. We CHOSE to trust God and not take the reigns and, in the end, we were blessed with our sweet son. Not when WE would have planned but we see the timing as absolutely perfect now.

(Side note: as I said in a previous post when dealing with getting pregnant...I am not against human intervention for either pregnancy or preventing pregnancy and using them does not necessarily mean one does not trust God but, in my sinful heart, it becomes a breeding ground for sin and, for that reason, wrong for ME.)

What's the point of this post? To remind myself that we are NOT in control and that God's sovereignty and timing is PERFECT. I can worry all I want about getting pregnant too soon, not soon enough, or never again but, the bottom line is: God KNOWS and has already planned our family since the beginning of time. I am going to stop pretending like I can control the situation and just lean on the Lord for His perfect timing. All I can (and want) to truly do, is to pray that His will be done.

So...any bets on when I'll get pregnant?? :)