Humility Through Parenting

God is so timely in His lessons, isn't He?

The week before I went into labor I was finishing up C.J. Mahaney's book, Humility. His last chapter, entitled "A Legacy of Greatness", is about parenting with humility. Although I wasn't actively "parenting" at that point, I knew the message was timely and I had a very strong feeling that God was going to use that chapter in my life very soon.

That same week, our MOMs group (studying Proverbs this year) was completing a lesson on humility. While I knew chances were that I wouldn't make it to the class in which that homework was for, I set out to work on it anyway. Again, very timely. They had us look through and meditate on manifestations of pride in our lives, subtle and obvious, and it became very clear to me that I had a lot of sin to work through, especially as I knew it would become more profound as I raised my son.

Well, God knew that He was preparing me for a labor that I was not expecting and for a month with my son that I couldn't imagine. He knew that I had a LOT to learn about being a parent and was front-loading my introduction to parenting with His perfect (and humbling) reminders.

With that said, here's a small glimpse into how humility was burned into my brain, and heart, this past month.

Labor. I had my plan perfectly laid out. I was going to labor as long as I could at home (with the help of my husband and doula) and then arrive at the hospital just a few hours before the pushing phase. My labor was going to be completely unmedicated; after all, I have a super high pain tolerance, we had taken natural childbirth classes, and I had read numerous books on my own to prepare for the hard work ahead; I could do it, no problem. I had also prayed hard about it and knew that God has designed our bodies to give birth unmedicated so I "knew" He would enable me to give birth the way He had originally designed it. I was set, right?

Ya, right. God set out to squash that manifestation of pride in my life.

My OB, the week leading up to labor, was starting to become a little concerned about Aaron's size; it appeared that he was measuring four weeks behind and wouldn't be more than 6 lbs. Although he said it probably was just because I was small and I would give birth to a small child he wanted to rule out problems with my placenta and make sure Aaron was doing OK, he sent me to have a non-stress test. Well, Aaron passed with flying colors but the technician was concerned about my amniotic fluid levels and set me up with another non-stress test for the following Saturday. This was frustrating to me, as I knew in my heart that Aaron was fine and I didn't want to be subject to "interventions" by the hospital. However, there was also question that week whether my water had broken so Brandon and I planned to go in for the additional test just to make sure we were OK. Saturday came, Brandon and I went for an early walk, and I had a "feeling" that I wouldn't be returning home without my son. So, we packed all our bags just in case and headed out to our test. Long story short, Aaron passed the test again with flying colors but there was further concern about my rapidly dropping amniotic fluid and calcifying placenta and I was told at 11:30 am that I would, indeed, not be leaving without my son. At that news, I cried LOTS of tears; this was NOT how I saw labor going. I did NOT want to be induced; that would start the medicated cascade of interventions. Thankfully, however, when I was checked, I was found to be in active labor (without knowing it) and, praise the Lord, my water hadn't broken so no induction was required! While that was good news, I still had to stay so my "laboring at home" plans fell by the wayside.

At this point the story becomes VERY long but, to sum up, my midwife was AWESOME and let me labor exactly as I HAD planned, minus the hospital part BUT, again, the Lord had a lot more to teach me in humility regarding my labor. After 31 hours of unmedicated labor and trying every trick in the natural childbirth book (with AMAZING help from Brandon, Linda (my doula) and BF Carla; I could NOT have labored that long without their support) it became apparent that Aaron just wasn't going to come on his own and I was given a "choice"; I either take an epidural to relax me and store up energy to push OR keep going, exhaust myself, and have a doctor call for a c-section. Well, at this point, I realized that maybe, just maybe, I had been so stubbornly clinging to my plans that I hadn't considered that the Lord had a different one for me, and I submitted to the epidural. Nine hours later, our precious, handsome, healthy, and perfectly normal-weighted (7lbs!) son was born!

Now, you would think I was sufficiently humbled by my plan gone terribly "wrong" but, apparently, there was MORE to learn in humility. Not only did I have labor plans, I had "super-mommy" plans; I was going to exclusively breastfeed, my son would be sleeping in his crib by the second or third night home, he would learn to be a self-soother (i.e. NO pacifier), he would be content to sit quietly in a swing while I immediately resumed all my household duties, and we would return to church and ministry commitments after a week. Had I not learned ANYTHING from the past few days (not to mention YEARS of trying for a child) about God's sovereignty? Sadly, NOT.

The first night home Aaron was SCREAMING and we were desperate; we resorted to formula, as he appeared to require more "food" than I was momentarily producing. The next day we realized we had a screamer on our hands and took out the one pacifier we kept. It also became apparent very quickly that we had a "needy" child who needed CONSTANT contact and he ending up sleeping ON us for the following week, in our room the next. We couldn't even put him down for a minute during the day or he would scream bloody murder! Three "super-moomy" rules INSTANTLY broken. HUMBLING.

Resuming all my household duties? Yeah, RIGHT. After 40 hours of labor my body was MESSED up (read: stitches, bladder infection, and surprise kidney stone) and I spent most of the first three weeks laying on my back, crying in pain, while Brandon became super-daddy and took over all household duties.

Church and ministry commitments? Again, a body beat up by a long labor prevented me from being "that" mom who showed up a week after giving birth and, even more humbling, up to three weeks after he was born. I was to stay home and heal. Again, not how I saw my parenting going.

It was during these lessons in humility that I finally started getting a "clue." I was not meant to be "super-mommy;" I was meant to humbly parent by resting in the Lord's strength. I was not to do this job solo; only asking wisdom from the Lord when things got too hard to handle, but I was to lay all my plans at His feet and joyfully, humbly, submit to His plan for my life as a parent, just as He taught me regarding our struggle with infertility. I was to raise His son (after all, Aaron is His more than he is "mine") the way He wants me to, not as I "pictured" and planned. I must seek His will for Aaron and for my parenting and trust that He will give me EXACTLY what I need, moment by moment, to accomplish this large and wonderful task.

When my heart started to process that truth and believe it and LIVE it out in my life, all the "unplanned" moments got "easier." Instead of getting frustrated by a change in plans, I am learning to take them all as further lessons in humility and petition the Lord for help in getting through those moments and, in fact, even learning to enjoy what the Lord is teaching me as I learn to be a mommy.

We have just discovered that we have been blessed with an "unplanned" colicky baby. And, while previous to these lessons, I would have been frustrated and tempted to be angry that I did not get the "perfectly calm" baby I always imagined, now I simply have a heart that breaks when I hear his pain-filled cries and I seek to find anyway possible to comfort my hurting baby, rather than find a way to shut him up. I pray constantly for strength to endure hours of crying and find myself thanking God that it is, indeed, just hours, rather than all day. And, while I know we have weeks ahead of us before there is an end to colic, I am choosing to take it moment by moment and I seek to find the lessons that are to be learned, rather than focus on "plans" gone astray.

These lessons in humility have been hard for my prideful heart to swallow but have been so.GOOD. I know that God is not finished and there are many more lessons to be learned through parenting. I look forward to the journey, knowing that God has a perfect plan for my life as Aaron's mommy.

I'll leave you with a message from C.J.'s book: "If you're a parent, be assured that parenting is something God has called you to and that He has personally assigned your children to you both for their good and for your sanctification. They're gifts from God, and they come with all the grace you need to prepare them for their future- and in particular for the day when you'll appear with them before the judgment seat of Christ."